Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Love Languages

I'm sure most of you are familiar with The 5 Love Languages.  There's a book, there's a blog, and there will probably be a Lifetime movie.  Anyway, the point is that people seem to find this stuff legit, so I took the quiz.  They didn't tell me that I would have three.

Quality Time

In the vernacular of Quality Time, nothing says, “I love you,” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there—with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby—makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful.

Receiving Gifts 

Don’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous—so would the absence of everyday gestures.

Acts of Service

Can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes. The words he or she most want to hear: “Let me do that for you.” Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter.

Quite accurate, I'd say.  Especially that bit about receiving gifts.  I like to give and receive thoughtful trinkets, even more so when they're handmade.  A generic gift, while possibly considered thoughtful to the giver, just says that you don't know me very well and had to find something that would appeal to the masses.  The other two sort of speak for themselves.  Everyone wants to be heard and understood, and I would probably kiss anyone who offered to do my dishes.

I was under the impression that this Chapman fellow only wrote about love, BUT he also covered apology - also a book, if you were wondering.

My test results:  

Accept Responsibility

It is very difficult for some people to admit that they’re wrong. It makes them doubt their self-worth, and no one likes to be portrayed as a failure. However, as adults, we must all admit that we are sinners and that we will make mistakes. We are going to make poor decisions that hurt our mates, and we are going to have to admit that we were wrong. We have to accept responsibility for our own failures. For many individuals, all they want is to hear the words, “I am wrong.” If the apology neglects accepting responsibility for their actions, many partners will not feel as though the apology was meaningful and sincere. Many partners need to learn how to overcome their ego, the desire to not be viewed as a failure, and simply admit that their actions were wrong. For a mate who speaks this apology language, if an apology does not admit fault, it is not worth hearing. Being sincere in your apology means allowing yourself to be weak, and admitting that you make mistakes. Though this may be hard to do for some people, it makes a world of a difference to your partner who speaks this language.

Make Restitution

In our society, many people believe that wrong acts demand justice. The one who commits the crime should pay for their wrongdoing. A mate who speaks this love language feels the same way towards apologies. They believe that in order to be sincere, the person who is apologizing should justify their actions. The mate who’s been hurt simply wants to hear that their mate still loves them.

There are many effective ways to demonstrate sincerity in an apology. Each mate must learn the other’s love language in order to complete the act of restitution. Though some mates may feel a though all is forgotten with a bouquet of flowers, that may not necessarily work for all mates. Every mate should uncover what their partner’s main love language is (Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Acts of Service, Physical Touch, and Receiving Gifts) and use that specific language in order to make restitutions in the most effective way.

For a mate whose primary apology language is making restitutions, no matter how often you say “I’m sorry”, or “I was wrong”, your mate will never find the apology sincere. You must show strong efforts for making amends. A genuine apology will be accompanied by the assurance that you still love your mate 
and have a desire to right the wrong-doings committed.

Did anyone feel like 'mate' was used too often?  I was starting to wonder if this was a quiz meant for werewolves.  

I know that these tests are supposed to help you understand your partner's (and your own) needs and methods of communication, but I'm starting to believe that this is only making me out to be a very difficult person to deal with.  I mean, look at my results!  If you love me you will:  pay attention to me, make me things, and do stuff that I want you to do.  If you piss me off:  don't bother saying that you're sorry unless you're here make up for being wrong.

Anyone want to deal with that?


So I thought.   

Blurbs from the Love Languages website, found here and here

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